Roller Coaster Madness
Rising and falling
The coaster flew, our stomachs
Churning, my lunch returning,
And here I stand so far away,
Reflecting on that happy day
-Despite its accompanying nausea—
And as we flew, so high and free
The butterflies inside of me,
Went soaring with us too.
Again this sensation—
But this time much more strong,
As we sit outside the theater,
In a wide and anxious throng.
And reminded of that roller coaster nausea, I sit here anxiously
As, a fear quite strong, now grapples with my stomach,
Slowly rising to my throat….
My palms glisten—My heart races—And the clock ticks—
As if, it too, is waiting for the outcome of the day.
Earlier each girl beside me
Looking just like me,
Had read their monologue for the panel,
And I can only hope that someone I will stand out
And the directors will remember me
I want this part so badly, See?
And as I wait for them to decide, this rising passionate pressure of want
Turns to fear and nausea.
The anxiousness, I slowly learn is a powerful sensation
And with each thought I can only think of the potential depredation-
Of failure.
Even the ground beneath me, begins to slowly sway.
And much like that roller coaster of metal
There’s a possibility that everything will cave from beneath me-
And with every bit of my conscious I pull away from that idea,
(That I will fail)
Because there is a fear so great inside of us today
That leaves our stomachs churning—
In quiet impatient dismay.
Left to sweat it out it seems,
Against whatever fate see fit to deem.
The director will make their cuts,
And until then I will play it all back,
My emotions rising and falling with ever moment’s reflection.
My throat a knot of emotion,
And my stomach tossing and turning like a small internalized ocean.
